The Realm and the Writer

INGREDIENTS

• 1 (30 minute) package television slot
• 15 commercials, chopped
• 1 large script, shredded
• 1/2 cup bad story plot
  
• 1/2 cup underdeveloped characters
  
• 1/4 cup bad actors, well strained
• 1/4 cup over-inflated pride
• 1/4 cup cheap booze
  
• 1 tablespoon rehab
• 1 tablespoon washed up guests
  
• 1/8 cup scandal

1. Preheat the cameras to 300 degrees F (150 degrees C).
2. In a large bowl, mix together television slot and commercials until well blended. Mix in the script and bad story plot, then beat in the underdeveloped characters. Combine bad actors, over-inflated pride, and cheap booze; gradually stir into plot mixture. Mix in rehab, washed up guests and scandal by hand.
3. Divide dough in half. Form two sections (15 minutes in length) on a 1 hour VHS tape that has been monitored by the FCC. Dough may be shallow; wet hands with extra booze to handle dough more easily.
4. Bake for 30 minutes in the preheated television, or until test audiences are light brown. Remove from television, and set aside to mull over for 3 months. Increase television airing time to once a day at 1:oo am.
5. Cut program apart diagonal, slant ways, unfairly and backwards into 3/4 of the actors have been replaced. Lay on criticism until properly degraded. Yields 3 seasons.